You’re not required to keep what’s left.

Those were the words the great goddess Isis said to me, sharply, decisively, during the Summer Solstice/Full Moon.  She spoke through Phoenix’s lips, her eyes meeting mine through his.  I was a little taken aback; we had been instructed to consider a question that we would like an answer to, and that was most definitely not an answer that I had expected to the question I had asked.

Growth.  I had been focusing on my growth.  Will I be stronger because of this? I pondered.  I held onto the question, focusing on it as Isis descended into our Priest.  The reasoning behind my question was that I always seemed to backslide when I attempted something: in an attempt to become more compassionate, I feel more self-centered; when attempting to be more helpful, I would feel selfish, etc.  I wanted a clear message that this was all worth it; was I just driving myself crazy?  Well, yes, of course I was.  I’m somewhat of an anxious person.

You’re not required to keep what’s left.

I’ve been pondering that message for the past almost-two weeks, and the other night it hit me.  Growth, as we know, is an uncomfortable process, one that challenges us, pushes our boundaries, makes us look at who we are and who it is that we want to be.  I most definitely was not required to keep what was left.  What was left, actually, was what I was coming face-to-face with: Ego.

Ego will rebel when change is attempted, when it is occurring.  It likes to keep things exactly as they are, balks at change, digs its heels in and fights and kicks and screams.  It doesn’t like change.

Well…too bad.  Because this change is not just better for Me, but for Ego.  It just hasn’t quite seen that yet.

ego-spirit

The snake skin of Ego, so tightly wound around me, has been splitting as I shed the old and step into the new.  The constriction of what once was no longer fits that which I wish to be, that which I am becoming.  The ups are still great, but the downs don’t get as low as they used to.  Each day it gets a little easier, each day I gain a little more ground, each day Ego takes a glimpse at the direction we’re going and gives a smidge more.  Ego fights tooth and nail at times, and I must remind myself to hold it close in Love, soothe it, reassure it.  And I bounce back faster.  Because I’ve learned that regardless of the noise Ego makes, change is as easy as making the decision to be that which I want to be and becoming it.

You’re not required to keep what’s left.

I become that which I wish to be.

Lightest and Darkest Blessings.

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