Today is the 6th of June, and in just 8 short days I will be turning 28.  Life has been nothing short of a roller coaster lately (seems like it’s been nothing but for the past few months!), and while speaking with my dear Phoenix-Fox this weekend over dinner, he knowingly smiled and mentioned Saturn Return.  Now, I had heard of Saturn Return in the past but could not quite remember what it was, so of course I asked if he would remind me.  He did so, and my response was more or less a combination of face palm, head-desk and “Well…fuck.”

So, what is Saturn Return?  It is when the planet Saturn returns to the spot it was occupying in your birth chart when you were born, and on average this takes about 27-29.5 years, with most people feeling its effects around the time they turn 28.  From what I’ve heard and read on it since rediscovering this wonderful quarter-life-crisis-esque event, most will experience this as a constant barrage of challenges that makes us face our deepest, darkest fears and rediscover and redefine who we are, what we want and where we’re going; and this can be felt up to three years prior and can last up to three years after it begins.  This is the Universe kicking us into high-gear and making sure that we are ready to face adulthood head-on, with old habits and patterns being sloughed off and left behind, letting go of that which no longer serves us.  And this doesn’t happen just once, but will happen two or three times during a person’s life, depending on the age they live to, meaning that we are undergoing natural, Universe-driven initiations before we hit the approximate ages of 30, 60 and 90.

The past couple weeks have been especially rough, but I was reminded of a few things that helped me see the pieces falling into place.  Firstly was Phoenix’s comment after my ordination, that the first year after someone receives ordination is usually filled with some pretty heavy shadow work.  Secondly was Norman’s explanation of what he did, exactly, during said ordination: basically called on me to let go of all that I was and that which hinders as opposed to helps so that I can become who I am supposed to be.  Thirdly was what Phoenix orated to me from Freya during my ordination: I will have three tasks to complete: do them with love and I will fail; do them with wisdom and I will succeed.  And then, of course, Saturn Return.  Talk about a triple (or quadruple?) whammy!

As I came to these realizations, the synchronicities started piling up.  I received two very clear messages from my Allies through two separate people.  The Morrighan popped in to let me know she was there in the form of a crow flying across my path.  Saturday night’s New Moon ritual was dedicated to Hecate as we asked her to aid us in burning away that which no longer served.  It started raining during the ritual, and I got a clear feeling of “gentle waters of love are needed now more than burning fires of passion.”  (Speaking of, this past New Moon’s effects will be felt over the next month.  Read about it here.)  The music on my Pandora One stations started to reflect the changes I was consciously deciding to make internally; remember:

Energy Returns

And, of course, memes.  If you’re a friend of mine on Facebook, you’ll know that the majority of what I post are inspirational memes, pictures, quotes, etc.  I do this for a couple reasons, one being that my father loves to share inspirational sayings and quotes to help lift other peoples’ spirits and it seems that trait passed to me, and because they resonate; I know that either I need the message or someone else I know does.  One that I shared last night that made a resounding CLICK in my mental space was:

Don't chase the Butterfly

(This isn’t the original one I posted; that one was simple black text on a white background.)

The past few months I have been pursuing my happiness in a very external way; I was chasing my butterflies instead of watering my garden.  I will be the first to admit that the ways I went about things weren’t the best, and I unintentionally hurt some people I care about in the process; I was neglecting my garden for the butterflies.  Everything that has been piling up lately has been a hard smack in the back of the head, NCIS Gibbs-style, to take a step back and take stock of my garden: where are the weeds that need pulling, what plants need to be replaced, what bushes and flowers need extra tending to, can this new species coincide peacefully with the rest of the garden, and how is that big, beautiful tree right in the center doing?  I think it needs some extra TLC.

If you need me, I’ll be off watering, weeding, pruning and planting my inner garden under this formidable Saturn Return.  After all, change, and happiness, must start from within, and the only way to grow is to face our fears and cast off that which holds us back.

Now where did I put my gardening shears and trowel?  It’s time to tackle some weeds.

Lightest and Darkest Blessings.

(Original image source [butterfly]: